Faux Paws - Part One - Casual Kissing Conversation
by callmeakumatized
Summary: In which Ladybug tells Chat how gross kissing is, they play a game of Chat and mouse, and Adrien nearly loses his mind at the taste of chocolate. (Snog!Fic - yes, that's a thing now.) (LadyNoir) (Ladrien) (Aged-up) (K-plus for kissing.)


**Faux "Paws" - Part One**

 **Casual Kissing Conversation**

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(( Heh, it's 3 AM somewhere, amIright?

…Here. It's 3 AM here.

This was supposed to be somethin' short. Oops. 8) ))

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"Kissing is really weird when you think about it," Ladybug said suddenly, offhandedly. She sat shoulder to shoulder by Chat Noir, both of them sharing each other's warmth on the outside while filling themselves up with hot chocolate on the inside.

The hot chocolate that Chat Noir was currently choking on at the sudden change in topic. Ladybug didn't even look his way as he hacked up a lung; instead, she took a sip from her own steaming mug while whacking him with superhero force on his back. When his breathing settled a little more, she continued on with her rambling thoughts.

"I mean, 'movie magic' makes it seem like it's this – I don't know – glorious epitome of some sort of 'love connection'. They make it look pretty. Like dressing up a model or something."

Chat no longer trusted himself to drink from his cup anymore. Really, he was silently wondering if it would be less painful for him if he suddenly drowned himself in the brown liquid.

Ladybug did not see the distress her kitty friend was clearly in.

"But really, it's just your own dirty trap suckin' on someone else's. Germ city, right? I just don't really see the appeal."

Chat Noir blinked slowly, staring off over the sight of the sun setting over Paris. This was the City of Love. They were looking over the Eifel Tower, a symbol of _amore_ if ever there was one. And on one side of their view, the sun painted the cityscape in muted pastels of rose and dandelion yellow.

And Ladybug was sitting next to him, talking about how kissing was _gross_.

A scowl spread across Chat Noir's face.

"So you don't have anyone you'd want to kiss?" he asked skeptically. He hoped his tone and question would lean more to accusing toward _her_ and not revealing to _himself_.

Ladybug scoffed into her mug. When she lifted her face, Chat looked her way, making sure she could see the unimpressed look he was giving her. Unfortunately, he was instantly distracted by the thick, milky chocolate mustache she had snorted onto her face. An uncomfortable warmness started to spread across Chat's entire face.

"Of course I do!" Ladybug shot at Chat, a warmth creeping onto her own cheeks that he really didn't believe had come from the mug she was rubbing her thin fingers around. "Just…I don't know…the science of it gets me, I guess. Like, why does it _feel_ so good? Is it like, we just have a lot of nerves or something here," – she rubbed a finger across her bottom lip – "so it makes the sensation more… _gratifying_ or something?"

One of Chat's feline ears twitched. He wasn't sure really what was happening right now, but he knew he heard certain _words_ come out of His Lady's chocolate-lined lips, and among those were "sensation" and "feel" and "good".

Ladybug opened her mouth as if to continue her rant, but Chat was _done_. He definitely couldn't take anymore of… _this_.

" _Stop_ ," he said insistently, placing a finger up in the air between them and shaking it while simultaneously shaking his mop of blonde hair. " _Ah, la vache!_ Ladybug, just… _no_." Closing his eyes, Chat pulled his now-fisted hand to his mouth and made a show of clearing his throat. When he opened his eyes again, Ladybug looked half annoyed and half…amused. The expression was adorable enough to knock him a little more off-balance (if that was possible right now). "First of all, kissing should not be analyzed – at _all_ – let alone _over_ analyzed like you are doing. _Second_ ," he pressed on strongly when Ladybug seemed like she was about to protest his accusation, "have you even kissed anyone to give your…poorly-formed report any real weight to it? Scientific experimentation is _pivotal_ to forming a _well_ -formed conclusion. I can volunteer my services if needed."

For good measure, he wiggled his eyebrows at her. To his surprise, she only smiled sheepishly ( _Ladybug?!_ ) before looking away.

And before punching him in the arm.

"Haha, very funny. 'Scientific experimentation' indeed…" she snickered.

 _Huh?_

"And just for the record, just because I mentioned that kissing 'feels good'," – she used her fingers, one hand cupped through the handle of her mug, to make quotes in the air – "don't get the idea that I was thinking about _our_ kiss. It was a general statement."

Chat froze. Chat shook his head back and forth. Chat thought about his entire life up until that point. Chat was sure he had never kissed Ladybug before.

Chat was _sure_ he would remember _that_.

"Our… _what now?_ " Chat sputtered out, turning almost full-on toward Ladybug, searching her face as if the explanation would be written there. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh _stop._ I'm definitely not rehashing the details, especially with you. Puh! Goodness knows I'd like to forget about _that_ Akuma, and that awful…black…lipstick…oh." Her tone had started off playful, smiling, teasing. Her tone ended shocked, embarrassed, blushing.

"You, uh, don't remember. Do you."

It should have been a question, but she already knew the answer.

"Remember _what_ exactly?" Chat pressed. His heart was beating _quite_ fast.

Ladybug's face was quite _red_.

"I, uh, well…you're always jumping in the way!" she shouted at him, as if that explained everything. Chat rolled his eyes. They had gone over this fact enough in the past two years for it to be any point of conversation anymore. Chat knew Ladybug was spinning her wheels. But she was stuck in this mire, and he was _not_ going to help her get out.

"And?"

"And you got in the way."

"Ladybug."

She pouted. And Chat melted a little at the sight…chocolate, pouty lips. It really didn't help the current state his mind was in. This conversation seemed to have been born from the thoughts that had been floating around in his head. When His Lady seem to pick up on his _quite pleasant_ train of thought when she first mentioned "kissing", he had been afraid he had accidentally said something _out loud_. How they were in this position now, where Ladybug seemed to be the one to have a slip up, he wasn't quite sure. But she was a bug under his scope now, and he wasn't letting her get away without answers.

Ladybug exhaled deeply. She didn't look away from Chat, only down. And she wasn't running _away_ either. This was all new. She should have told him off by now, left him in the dark, laughed at his ignorance on this…but…there she sat. Looking shy. Looking shyly up at him. Chat gulped.

"So, remember when Ki – I mean, that one kid got Akumatized into Dark Cupid? It was like, two years ago, on Valentine's Day…"

Chat nodded. How could he forget? That was "Confession Day" turned into "I Don't Remember Half of This Day Day."

"Heh, yeah, so…so you got hit. You remember that, right?" When Chat nodded again, Ladybug bit her lip before continuing in a rush. "S-So you were fighting me _with_ Kim. And it was hard, because near the end of the fight you tried to use _Cat_ – uh, I mean, tried to catch me off guard." She had obviously omitted something here, but Chat didn't have enough brainpower at the time to think too much about it. "And I remembered that my teacher had told us about 'True Love's Kiss' and, you know, _whatever_ , so I thought maybe that would work…'cause I really need you on my team, you know?"

The words stopped, and Ladybug turned her maroon-coloring cheeks up to the ever-darkening sky. Some of the first starts were starting to blink into visible existence. Not for the first time, Chat wondered, if he looked deep enough, he would see the light from those stars reflect in the vibrant blue of Ladybug's eyes.

" _Need_ " she had said. Not that she "needed" him on her team. Present tense. Woo boy.

Chat was suddenly very busy _not_ freaking out at this new information. This information that _someone should have told him a flippin' long time ago._ After all, it didn't take a rocket scientist to put together the pieces of her fragmented admissions. A kiss to break the spell. A kiss he didn't remember because he had been hit and put under the Akuma's spell.

"'True love's kiss', huh?" he turned to her, pulling his knees up to his body enough to lean his arms on them.

"Yeah, whatever," she retorted, feigning disinterestedness. "You were being annoying and I needed it to stop."

Chat grinned. "Any reason you stopped using that tactic? I believe you still think I'm annoying at times."

She rolled her eyes. "Incorrigible."

"Yet surprisingly _tractable_."

When her blue eyes flicked to him, she seemed to be trying to read his expression in the dark. He wasn't really sure what his face _looked_ like, but he knew he was still grinning.

"So…it felt good?" He couldn't help himself. Teasing her was too good. Especially when she was acting so…timid. It was a battle of wills and wits now, and, for once, Chat Noir felt like he was actually coming out on top.

"Yes," she said softly, still looking straight at him.

Chat wheezed slightly, the balloon of self-satisfaction blown up in his test suddenly popped with a sewing needle. Did she just…? The air was suddenly taut. Chat felt the tension wrapping around his heart over and over again, pulling him closer and closer to her.

Or was that just him leaning in?

Or was that _her_ leaning in?

Oh _GALL_ please let that be her leaning in.

Chat closed his eyes…and…and…

And something felt cold. And metallic. On his lips. And someone was giggling.

Chat's eyes popped open. And, yeah, sure enough, he was kissing a metal coffee mug. And on the other side of that coffee mug was a pair of bluebell eyes filled with mirth.

"Oh _Chaton_ , there was something I forgot to tell you."

Chat huffed in reply, backing up and looking away.

"Before I kissed you, I spent a good 10-15 minutes _chasing_ you because you were _afraid_ of me." Suddenly, Ladybug was on her feet. As she walked backward, bag with thermos and mug slung over her shoulders, she smiled and wiped off the chocolate mess painted above her top lip. Chat licked his own lips, watching her before getting to his feet. "I think it's only fair that I make you work for it the same way."

And with that, she was gone.

Chat, hand on his hip, yelled after her.

"Oh, come on! It's not like I haven't been chasing you for the past two years!"

Huffing, Chat turned and kicked his own metal mug on the rooftop. Slowly, the implications of her words reached the section of his brain that was still connected to all those important, critical-thinking parts.

"Oh…OH. OHHHH. OHHHOHOHOHO."

Chat wasted no more time before vaulting himself up as high as he could go with his staff, trying to get the broadest view of Paris's city streets as he could.

He had a bug to catch.

qpqpqpqpqp

If Chat had expected Ladybug to play hard to get, he was grossly…correct.

She made it downright impossible.

After an excruciatingly long search around the city, Chat, annoyed and frustrated, finally had to return home before his transformation could give way. With a final series of beeping, he barely made one final arc into his room before Plagg dropped his supersuit. The tiny cat spiraled dramatically across the room, landing with barely a plop onto Adrien's bed. Adrien pulled a few chunks of cheese out from his small fridge and threw them over to his Kwami, hardly listening to the complaints floating out between the disgusting munching.

Exhausted and somewhat irritated, Adrien dropped onto his couch. He slouched into the stiff cushions, an arm reaching up to rest across his tired eyes.

"Took you long enough."

Adrien's skin crawled, his body twitching in fear at the sudden sound of the voice that was _in his room_. His arm pulled away from his face, and he would have jumped up, but _she_ was _right there,_ right above him. An arm on either side of his head rested on the back of the sofa, and she stared down at him with those big, playful eyes.

"Ladybug, wha-what? I – uh, I mean, well, _how?_ "

"Do you really want me to waste time with the story right now?"

Adrien could only blink up at her.

"I only have maybe ten minutes left, I'd say."

"Travel time?"

She bit her lip. She knew it was slightly a revealing question. "Two minutes."

"Two minutes?"

" _Tops_."

"Mm. That close, huh?"

"I think we're a lot closer than that, _minou_."

Adrien gulped. Ladybug was redder than her mask. Adrien was sure that he didn't look much different.

"Nine minutes…"

Adrien didn't want to waste any more time, but, he realized with sudden clarity, he had never, well, _done_ this before. And this was _Ladybug_. What if he totally messed this up? What if she preferred kissing his chicken-hearted Akumatized-self more than the real him!?

"I…don't know what I'm doing."

Ladybug arched downward, bending her arms so she was leaning on her elbows so their faces were just a hair apart. Her hands rested on his shirt near his collarbones. Their noses brushed and Adrien felt a tremor pulse through his body. When she answered him, he could feel her breath brush in a whisper across his forehead.

"Are you saying you require further scientific elucidation?"

He breathed out a laugh that she joined in with.

"No…but maybe scientific 'exhibition'."

Tentatively, his hands were on the sides of her face. It was a little awkward with her being upside-down in position to his own face, but he definitely wasn't going to complain. Thumbing one of her cheeks, he gingerly pulled her down while raising his own chin up a touch.

A fresh break of embarrassed giggles sounded between them when he mistakenly kissed her chin and she his nose. Far from discouraging him, though, Adrien was only fueled further by the anticipation. The rhythmic thumping of his racing heart rang almost painfully in his ears. But he knew where she was now. And this time, he wouldn't miss.

The second time (third time?) was the charm. Adrien couldn't help it when his breath hitched at the first touch of her lips. They lingered for just a moment - a tester that left his body trembling. Deep in his gut, Adrien felt something rumble through his entire being at this smallest contact. With a little more force this time, he pulled Ladybug to him again, opening his mouth just a little more, wanting more taste of _her_ , _needing_ her nearer to him, _craving –_ beyond what he even thought possible – the simple act of being connected to her.

She tasted like chocolate.

It seemed so fitting that she would taste as sweet as he always knew she was.

At a beep of her earrings, they broke apart, Adrien already mourning the loss of her presence. Ladybug didn't seem to be faring any better. As she walked slowly to the open window, she paused, looking back at him. There was a bit of fire in her eyes that fought with the doe-like wideness of the glistening blue. A moment's hesitation lapse before Adrien was on his feet. In a slamming motion that was _not_ graceful, Adrien grabbed Ladybug around the waist at the same time Ladybug laced her fingers through his hair. The kiss was messy, unpracticed, but their movements were getting smoother. They matched motion for motion, Adrien breathing in every sensation, every feeling of her, wishing continually for more time.

Another beep of her earrings.

"Adrien," Ladybug breathed out, hands on his chest. He inwardly protested the breakaway, the pressure of her hands pushing his chest. The frustration came out as a whine, and he pecked her lips again.

"You said two minutes to get home." He kissed her again. "You still have another minute here." Another kiss. "With me."

"But –"

"Stop talking."

She tried to giggle at that, but Adrien had cupped her face again, feeling a little bolder. He lifted her chin up for what he thought might be a better angle and dove in again. Every touch was delicate, soft, from her lips to her warm cheeks. When her earrings beeped again, Adrien knew better than to keep her there any longer. It would be detrimental for Ladybug to drop transformation before she could get home. With one last playful tug on her bottom lip, Adrien backed away from a _very_ flushed Ladybug. Suddenly feeling embarrassed for no particular reason, Adrien dug his hands into his pockets as Ladybug hopped up to the window sill.

"Goodnight, Adrien," Ladybug whispered, breathing in deeply still. With that, she zipped out into the Paris night.

Adrien sauntered over to the window. Plagg appeared at his shoulder. Adrien smiled at his uncharacteristically silent companion before staring back out the window.

"Goodnight, Marinette."

 _Fin!_

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(( So, nine pages into searching for some Ladrien Love-ness on Ao3, I was feeling a little Ladrien Love-LESS. I needed the contact, yo! So this is the introduction to this set…but it's gonna be Ladrien Love.

And I'm calling them Snog!Fics. Because I just want to see the action, ya know what I'm sayin'? (Yes, you do. 8) )

There's no real..."plot" beyond that.

Thanks for reading this silliness, btw. n.n *shoots finger guns, winks* Leave me a review! ))


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